One of the most controversial topics among young adults today is the idea of friendship. What is friendship? Can platonic friendships exist between members of the opposite sex? You’ve probably seen the hit YouTube video, “Why Men and Women Can’t be Friends.” If you haven’t seen it, watch it.
Immediately apparent among the man’s survey of young men and women is the fact that men and women each have different understandings, expectations, and intentions in a relationship. He hits at a key element when considering the question of friendship: equality. Can men and women be friends when they don’t share an equal vision? Aristotle filled two chapters in his Nichomachean Ethics to discuss the topic of friendship. His underlying premise is that true friendship must be a relationship of equality. This equality does not mean “sameness,” but it does entail that there must be an equalness in what each individual is seeking. For friendship to really exist, there must be an equal desire or vision and concurrently a common pursuit between these friends in fulfilling this shared aim.
Think about professional or business relationships. When I buy a coffee at the local coffee shop, I am supporting the business and thereby assisting the workers and owner in their means of providing a living for themselves. The business also gives me something I desire: coffee. Am I now friends with all the coffee house workers? No. I do not call my relationship with the coffee shop employees friendship. We do not have an equal vision. I am seeking coffee while they are seeking a living; we have two distinct ends we are pursuing. It so happens that we can each attain our individual ends through the business transactions had in a coffee house, but this does not entail actual friendship. However, when I find out that the barista is a Red Sox fan, suddenly I encounter a shared vision, and thus, the potential for friendship.
Think of friendship as two persons walking down the same path with a common destination. Of course, there are times we only share a temporary commute, persons whose paths will cross with ours for only a short way. Such temporary friendships are often had between co-workers, fellow classmates, or neighbors. We may not share much else in common with such persons besides our jobs, academic pursuits, or living arrangements, but we might still label such relationships “friendships” (at least for some time), precisely because there is a shared and equal pursuit.
However, some of us are blessed with friendships which delve deeper and will endure longer, perhaps eternally. These are persons who share something more profound than external or environmental factors. These are people with whom we share a common vision for how we encounter and respond to life itself. To establish such a deeper friendship, one must encounter another who shares something more personal. Shared religious or philosophical beliefs, sense of humor, family background, ambitions, and moral principles become the core elements to such friendships.
So can men and women be friends? Even as a man, I will initially propose “yes,” but I think it is something rather exceptional or extraordinary. The fundamental obstacle to male/female friendship lies in our sexual differences. Men and women are each “wired” with different ways of thinking, reacting, and concurrent values and desires. As such, it is often difficult, if not impossible, to establish a real shared vision. As the above video quickly points out, men frequently choose to invest in female relationships because these have at least some romantic potential. Women seem very often content with a man who will be less “complicated” than a woman, and therefore a preferred companion in whom they can confide, yet without any romantic interest. Such a conflict in interests between men and women has led our culture to propose that every woman seems to want a “gay best friend.” Such an idea implicitly states that (heterosexual) men will never be satisfied in mere friendships with women, and it shows that women sometimes simply want a man in whom they can share life, apart from the complications a sexual commitment brings.
Yet here is where our culture has ignored the fact that some visions are indeed had between men and women which are more profound, yet do not involve any sexual motive. Certainly a brother and sister share many personal qualities in common, and yet do not have any romantic intentions (besides the occasional Luke and Leia accident). But notice that such relationships must always be clearly understood between both parties. When it is not a family relationship, there must exist an absolutely clear and transparent understanding concerning the nature of the relationship. Both the man and woman must absolutely understand (i.e. it has been in some way explicitly stated) two fundamental points:
1. There is not any romantic interest or potential in the relationship.
and
2. There is still some common (though non-romantic) vision/pursuit which is had between both parties that can be equally shared/enjoyed.
Without an explicitly and unequivocally understood vision between both the man and the woman, there will inevitably arise an ambiguity which will render the friendship void or at best unstable.
Think about your friendships with the opposite sex. How often do you find this absence of ambiguity and clarity in your shared visions? I think it is extremely uncommon, and for this reason, I believe that men and women cannot usually be friends. That being said, if you are blessed with genuine platonic friendships among members of the opposite sex, you have attained something incalculably valuable and worth every effort in preserving.
Splinter in My Brother's Eye 
i totally agree with this.