I teach Junior High kids. The more evolved kids have acquired a new-found and acute sense of sarcasm, a form of communicating that is dear to my heart. Unfortunately, sarcasm mixed with raging hormones and immaturity doesn’t seem to be a successful blend. In the past two weeks, I believe I should have acquired enough credit hours to earn a psychology degree with all of the counseling I have had to mediate for the many traumatized individuals. Many of the poor “bullied” victims (recipients of sarcastic banter) are indeed too sensitive and must learn to handle and cope with those who will criticize and ostracize them later in life. Nevertheless, I have been inspired to write a few “rules of engagement” by which every sensible and respectable human being ought to abide when it comes to communicating and utilizing humor.
1. Never say something behind someone’s back you wouldn’t be okay saying to their face.
Imagine if you actually followed this rule. Depending who you are, it may sound impossible, but take a moment to imagine its potential. The fact is that speaking poorly of someone “behind their back” is usually coupled with cowardice. Yes, you are a coward for being angry at or insulting of someone while being unwilling to tell them your problem yourself. If you dislike, disagree, or have a disdain for someone, either tell them or leave it be. Telling other people is almost never the proper solution, unless those people are an unbiased third party who can offer you some counseling.
2. Never belittle another person to hide your own weakness.
Congratulations! You’ve discovered another person who is dumber, less cool, attractive or athletic than you. Watch out. It’s not long before you meet an animal more evolved and higher up on the food chain. No respectable person criticizes another human being merely because they possess weakness universal to the human race.
3. Never make light of another person’s dignity and worth.
As un-politically correct as it is to say, men and women are different. Hence, while all persons must be given a base level of respect, there are some issues which can pertain more to a woman’s or a man’s dignity. Fundamentally, women desire to be beautiful and men desire to be strong. While it would be offensive to either sex, it is much more insulting to tell a woman she is fat than it is to a man. And again, while it might be disappointing to any man or woman, it would be much more degrading for a man to fail boot camp in the marines than for a woman. Again, a woman’s dignity is centered around her core desire for beauty, and a man’s dignity is intertwined with his desire for strength. When we communicate to one another, we must be careful when moving into these areas. Most men learn early on that if they want to have a girlfriend, they better learn not to insult a woman’s image. Similarly, women should be careful to not nag or demean a man’s abilities, since this makes him feel emasculated and worthless.
4. Suicide is less funny than you think.
This is lower on the list, since I don’t know many adults who make light of suicide. Unfortunately, arrogant pre-teens and teens today seem to think it’s actually pretty funny to make light of taking one’s own life. I have heard a few kids “joke” about how some kid should just go and commit suicide rather than x, y, or z…. I see that those who tell these jokes don’t mean for their comments to be taken literally. However, to a depressed adolescent who is contemplating the value of living, such comments could have a devastating impact on his self-image and value. Suicide is a serious issue with today’s disoriented youth who come from many broken homes and don’t know how to cope with the new challenges (viz. hormones) of adolescence. The problem is that many people who are depressed don’t show their depression in public. The kid who is constantly cracking jokes and making snide comments to his peers could be the very kid that bears an utter desolation of spirit. Maybe his father left him when he was three and his mom is busy dating a few other guys on the side of her two other jobs and children. That kid doesn’t have an easy life, but it is a precious life which you will regret hurting should your jokes have convinced him that taking his life might just be his best option.
5. Practice encouraging someone today.
Sarcasm doesn’t mix well with being positive. Sarcasm is the type of humor which assumes a facade of being positive while being in reality an injurious criticism. This is why sarcastic people can be seen as stoic, Spock-like assholes. And, unfortunately, this is why sarcastic people are assholes at times. We (yep, I’m in the club) sarcastic blokes can easily become obsessed with focusing on what is negative and make cutting criticisms of those around us. While we like to think we are just being brutally honest and unashamed in communicating how things really are, we begin to lose touch with how to genuinely build up other people and to see what is actually beautiful and positive in the world. I do not believe in falsely affirming people, but I do believe there is always a way to authentically encourage one another. The fact is that people do need to be affirmed, appreciated, and respected, and users of sarcasm can be terribly deficient in their ability to communicate these positive messages. It’s amazing how much I realize my own need for positive affirmation, yet I give so littler positive reinforcement to others around me. It takes a truly strong, courageous, and noble person to build up and edify his neighbor rather than merely disregard him with a cynical comment.
I encourage you (and myself) to begin implementing these five rules of engagement when communicating with others. It may have the power to change our whole perspective of those persons we have previously disregarded as stupid, worthless, and lesser than ourselves.
Splinter in My Brother's Eye 