10 Reasons You Must Buy Peter Jackson’s Classic: The Desolation of Smaug

Peter Jackson’s second part of his film adaptation for Tolkien’s beloved children’s classic is about to be released on DVD.  Here are 10 reasons this epic cinematic masterpiece is a must-buy and an instant classic, greatly exceeding even the wit and glory of Tolkien himself.

10.  Finally we see a female warrior portrayed in a film.

Can you decide which one is the she-elf?

Jackson goes beyond Tolkien’s patriarchal confounds, and creates an original female character (Tauriel) that shows a strength equal to her male counterpart.   It is refreshing to find a female who can fully express herself in Tolkien’s male-dominated world.

9.  Finally, a she-elf that isn’t restricted to an exclusive relationship.  

She knows she’s in love with Legolas…

But love knows no boundaries.

Exclusive relationships were so 20th-century.  Jackson boldly shows that our sexual pursuits shouldn’t be limited by number or species.

8.  Classy Penis Jokes.  

Tolkien’s Puritanism is finally purged through the acceptance of subtle genitalia references.

7. Disney-esque Elf Dad.

Thranduil is particularly protective over his daughter, Legolas.

In the spirit of Disney classics, Jackson brings us elf dads (viz. Elrond and Thranduil) who, despite their enormous wisdom and knowledge, are oblivious to what is really important to their children. These fathers must learn the hard way that their children really do know best when it comes to their romantic pursuits.

6. Thorin’s Stick Up The Butt is so large it prominently protrudes out.  

Did we leave anyone behind? Who’s counting anyway?

Thorin’s Stick Up The Butt made its first debut in the first Hobbit film, An Unexpected Journey, as Thorin continually distrusted the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, despite Bilbo’s sincere efforts and willingness to join a group of unruly dwarves on a perilous, unexpected journey.  Many viewers thought Thorin had forever removed and cast away the Stick Up The Butt by the end of the film when Thorin embraced Bilbo as a brother.  However, the Stick Up The Butt returns and develops in The Desolation of Smaug, as Thorin impulsively leaves behind his sickly brother, Kili, to die in Laketown, while he pursues dragon gold.

5. We find out that Smaug is actually impotent.  

Smaug is foiled again by the 3 foot creatures playing good ol’ Hide and Seek.

Jackson finds a creative way to extend the movie franchise with a 45 minute battle between the dwarves, Bilbo and the formidable dragon, Smaug.  Not to worry though- nobody gets hurt (or burned)…not even our friendly dragon.

4. The union of Pirates of the Caribbean and The Hobbit.  

Will Turner lives on immortally in Jackson’s, The Desolation of Smaug.

Fans were brokenhearted with Will Turner’s dismissal from the Pirates franchise.  Not to worry, Jackson has found a place for this beloved character in Tolkien’s world as the character of Bard from Laketown.  It was also a budget saver, since this is also the same actor that plays Legolas.

3. The real hero of the film is the underdog, Bombur.  

Bombur doesn’t allow his obesity to be an obstacle for heroism.

There is no question of who will win in a fight against Bombur.

Bombur’s weight only gives him greater strength.

Great movies arise from a well done underdog story.  Similar to Christopher Nolan’s theme of Batman’s fight against external evil as well as his own internal demons in The Dark Knight Rises, Bombur strives against all odds to become the real unanticipated hero in The Desolation of Smaug.  

2. Bilbo occasionally makes an appearance in the film, The Hobbit.  

Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit, is the main and often overlooked protagonist in Peter Jackon’s film about dwarves, orcs, elves, and wizards.

One of the most encouraging and exciting parts of this 3-hour film is when you think you’ve caught a small glimpse of the hobbit character, Bilbo Baggins.  Jackson adamantly stuck to naming his film, “The Hobbit,” despite a popular push to name it, “Lots of Dwarves with Difficult Names,” “Sexy Elf Ninja,” or “The Untold Hallucinations of the Hippy Wizard.”

1.  The “Pale Orc” continues to excite fans with its classic cat-chasing-mouse theme.  

Fans anxiously await the epic conclusion of the Pale Orc’s final battle with Thorin.

Perhaps Jackson’s greatest creativity and talent is embodied by the Pale Orc character, Azog The One Handed, who quickly arises as the dominant antagonist in The Hobbit films.  Viewers were refreshingly surprised to find out that the movie wasn’t going to be simply constrained to a long walking trip culminating in a dragon fight.  Instead, they are continually treated with an amazing performance and original take on a cat-chasing-mouse scenario, as the Pale Orc continually catches up, but inevitably fails to capture his nemesis, Thorin.  Fans are puzzled and anxiously await to find out how Jackson will bring about the epic conclusion to this ongoing struggle.

 

There is no question that Peter Jackson’s genius and talent will be remembered and recognized for generations to come.  In all likelihood, Tolkien’s name will be forgotten next to Jackson’s much improved classic film adaptations.  So what are you waiting for?  It’s time to go and purchase this acclaimed masterpiece before it’s sold out!

Do you have more reasons to buy this instant classic?  Share them in the comment box.

4 Qualities Which Invalidate Your Man-Card

What does it take to be a man?  It’s the everlasting question men (and women) have been asking.  It’s not easy to provide any succinct or precise definition for what it is that makes a man a man; but perhaps it is easier to identify and articulate what qualities should not belong to a man.  Recently, I have come across a few different men with qualities (or there lack of) which has inspired the following rant on four characteristics that should demerit one of his manhood.

 

1.  Lack of Initiative.  Nothing seems to be a bigger turn off for women than a man that has no initiative.  However, as a man, I can tell you that I am equally frustrated and put off when I work with a man who lacks ambition, initiative, or any kind of drive for excellence.  Having initiative doesn’t mean every man must be the stereotypical American workaholic who is striving to push his way up the corporate ladder.  Initiative is connected to the virtue of magnanimity, or literally, having a “large soul.”  Initiative is about finding something greater, loving it, and moving to gain it.  This greater thing could be God, country, family, and one’s own personal development.  A man shows initiative when he asks a girl out or when he cleans his room, seeks a higher degree, joins the military, strives to repair his faltering marriage, works out at the gym, takes time to pray and meditate, and spends his weekend off to be with his kids.  All of these actions show that a man is taking initiative to become something better than he is now.  When a man is simply satisfied with getting drunk every weekend, playing video games, watching porn, or cohabiting with his girlfriend, he shows that he is merely living for his own appetites and not for anything higher.  Such men are living out their existence closer to the form of a zombie rather than a man.

2. Passivity.  Passivity can be related to and at times the same as having a lack of initiative.  However, passivity is more specifically the fear of not doing something because it appears difficult.  Many men do desire to achieve excellence and to live for something greater than themselves but are too passive to actually attain what they desire.  Once I had a friend whose garbage disposal broke.  He was very frustrated by the situation, but unfortunately he wasn’t very mechanically minded.  He had no clue what to do or how to fix it.  He hung up a sign above the sink which read: “Out of order: Do not use.”  I do not have much mechanical or plumbing knowledge myself, but I decided I would try to help my friend out.  I asked my dad, a former repair-man, for some simple advice, and sure enough, it was as easy as resetting a single switch that resolved the entire problem (It took 30 seconds to fix.).  My friend had had his “Out of Order” sign up for weeks, and despite his frustrations had been too passive to fix the problem himself.  Soon after this incident, he asked me not to use his ice-maker in the freezer since he believed it was leaking when it made ice.  Instead of finding out and fixing the root problem, he decided the easiest solution would be just to not use the device.  While one can live without a garbage disposal or ice-maker, this passivity demonstrates that a man would rather run away from his problems rather than face and fight them.  The effects become much more tragic when a man is too passive to fight for his marriage, friends, job, or simply his own well-being.

3.   Passive Aggressive.  A specific form of passivity is embodied in passive-aggressive actions.  Perhaps because men generally have a harder time communicating in relationships, they will often opt for a passive-aggressive route in addressing a problem.  A man who utilizes sarcasm, gossip, or other “sneaky counter-attacks” as weapons for attacking people is a coward who is unwilling to address problems directly.  Do you have an issue with your roommate, girlfriend, boss, or co-worker?  Tell them or shut up.  A TV character that embodies this negative passive-aggressive quality is Jim Halpert from the American series of The Office.  While in general I admired Jim’s wit and persona, he is a stellar example of a man who consistently addresses his problems in a very unmanly and passive way.  Fortunately, the show did not fully glorify his passive-aggressive behavior, since they showed how Jim’s marriage almost fell apart due to his own inability to own up to his problems directly.

4.  Mama’s Boy.  When you meet a man that doesn’t know how to cook a meal, clean his room, pay his bills, or find a job, he is probably still dependent on his mom for keeping his life in order.  Sometimes these men are literally living with their mothers.  Once, in college, I allowed a guy to stay in my room who was visiting his girlfriend.  When the guy was packing up to leave at the end of his stay, he needed help—with his packing.  He said his mom had normally assisted him in packing a suitcase, and he didn’t know how to fold all his clothes and get them to fit inside his bag.  While some men are counting on their future wives to do all of the cleaning and cooking for them, I don’t know how these men will provide for these wives and teach their own children when they lack the confidence or know-how to pack a bag.  A man should be able to provide for himself before he commits to taking care of others.

Perhaps some readers are questioning why these undesirable traits are only directed at men.  Certainly, lack of ambition, passivity, passive aggressiveness, and dependency are also negative traits when found in a woman.  However, I would argue that these are particularly undesirable characteristics in a man because a man’s nature or very soul is inherently ordered towards strength, leadership, and being a protector and provider.  When a man possesses these deficiencies in character, he is failing to engage the very core of his being, and his soul becomes lifeless.  He is a man who neglects to nurture the life of his manhood, and until he chooses to face these inadequacies, he does not retain any right to the distinguished title of man.